


You're The Blog Of My Fantasies

by feistyhowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009!phan, Fluff, M/M, fanboy!dan, tumblr!phan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-13 15:44:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4527891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feistyhowell/pseuds/feistyhowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>phan! tumblr au<br/>Young Dan Howell has a crush on blogger @amazingphil, whom he had always thought was a girl. But oh is he wrong. Read on as this story takes you on a journey on how this young 18 year old struggles with his sexuality and how a simple tumblr crush can turn into a lifetime soulmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Messages

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not writing about fem!phil this is just before Dan found out Phil was a boy. just want to put it out there in case anyone gets confused!

Dan awoke from his slumber, he lifted his arm in an attempt to rub the sleep away from his eyes only to find his arm trapped underneath something, _someone_. Dan glanced to his left and saw a chick lying sprawled across his bed. His head throbbed as visions of him downing shot after shot of vodka, paired with erotic memories of a heated makeout session with the blonde in his bed filled his mind. Another searing pain penetrated his brain. _Ugh_ , not another hangover.

He gingerly shook the girl to wake. Her eyes fluttered open and stared up at Dan.

'Right you've got to go,' Dan said.

The girl raised an eyebrow at him, and Dan returned it with a blank stare. It then dawned upon the girl that Dan was not the kind that dealt with morning afters. She sighed, another night wasted on some jerk.

'Really Dan, I can't even stay for a cup of coffee?' She questioned, only to receive a nonchalant shrug from Dan. The girl huffed, annoyed by the lack of expression from Dan. 'Fine, I'll leave. But just remember what you're missing out here.' She gestured to her body. Then, she got up from the bed, grabbed her things and without another word, walked out the door.

Missing out? Really? She was at most a 7! Dan couldn't care less. He sighed, another girl, another conquest, another meaningless night. Dan had lost count of the number of girls he slept with, and he wasn't sure if that was something to be proud of. Sure, the sex was great, but every time he did it, the more empty he felt. He was so sick of going to clubs, hooking up with girls, and never finding _the one_. Oh how he longed to cuddle up with someone on a chilly Sunday morning, waking up to the smell of coffee, having two toothbrushes in his toilet. But no one ever took him seriously, it was like he was the player of the town, everyone looked for him for only one thing, sex. Dan loved it in the past. Thought he was having the time of his life, where girls just threw themselves at him and he didn't even have to try. But now, there was this empty void in his soul that he could not, for the love of god, fill no matter how good the sex was.

He stood up from his bed and went to get his computer, then proceeded to his couch and got comfortable in his 'browsing position'.

Dan logged in to his tumblr.

_*scrolls*_

_gif set of pete wentz *reblog*_

_*scrolls*_

_classic pepe makes an appearance *reblog*_

Dan reblogged a couple more posts before clicking on his favourite blog, _amazingphil_ to conduct his daily stalking. He loved everything about this blog, from the very well thought out theme revolving lions to the quality posts, this blog was something he aspired his own blog will one day become. Dan was always intrigued by who ran this blog. Could it be a girl? Could it be a boy? Could it be the love of his life? Whenever he visited this blog, he would always find himself staring intently at the ask box, but could never pick up the courage to actually send a message.

Today however, felt different. There was a nagging feeling in his head that was willing him to steer away from the norm. Dan hovered his mouse over the _'ask anything'_ box for awhile, the hesitation was so real. After 10 minutes of internal conflict occurring within him, he muttered to himself _'ah fuck it'_ and clicked on the box. His fingers hovered over the keyboard as he bit his lip trying to think of something to say that would not make him sound like too much of a creep;

**To: amazingphil**

_Hello, my name is Dan. I love your blog and was hoping we could become mutuals and cry over mcr together. thoughts?_

His leg bounced up and down nervously as he read through what he typed. Before he could even process any of his thoughts, Dan quickly hit the send button. He gulped. No going back now. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Almost immediately, paranoia flooded his mind. What if amazingphil secretly hated him? What if he made a typo in the message? Dan paced around the room anxiously and wished he could just dig a hole and crawl inside of it and never come out.

What if this was all a big mistake?

Little did he know, this very message would change the course of his whole fucking life.

* * *

It had been 3 days since he messaged amazingphil, Dan was all ready to mark this as one of his embarrassing moments that would give him a good cringe attack years down the road. He had just gotten back to his dorm after a long day of classes at the university, and was getting ready for a movie night when he saw a notification pop up on his phone. He picked up his phone to check it out and realised he had received a message from tumblr. Dan groaned. It's probably one of those messages asking him to try out a game again. Dan slid his finger over his phone to read the message. His heart stopped.

**From amazingphil:**

_Hey Dan. How nice of you to love my blog. Ofcourse we can cry over mcr together. :)_

Dan blinked. He read the message over and over again to make sure it was real. Dan could not believe that the actual amazingphil, the blog that he has been completely obsessed with for years, actually took the time to reply him. She even added a smiley at the end, a fucking smiley. Dan was ecstatic.

His shaky fingers flew to the keypad as he eagerly typed out his reply;

**To amazingphil:**

_is the actual amazingphil actually talking to me? holy shit. anyways, i'd really love if you could give me tips on how to make my blog even 5% as good as yours. x_

Dan sat back in his seat as he let out a shaky breath, still unable to wrap his head around the fact that he was conversing with his favourite blogger.

Weeks passed and Dan had kept the conversation with amazingphil alive. They talked about anything under the sun, from favourite bands to what they ate for dinner and even conspiracy theories on the natures of the world. Dan never knew that talking to someone could make him feel so alive. Dan loved the adrenaline rush he got whenever he got a message notification from tumblr, he loved how he would rush back to his dorm after his classes and log on to his tumblr to see if he had received any new messages from amazingphil, which later he learnt was named Phil. But mostly, he loved how it was so comfortable to talk to Phil, where conversation just flowed so easily between them.

As he talked to Phil, Dan had become more and more curious about what Phil looked like in real life. Thing is, Phil never posts selfies. She never did one of those tumblr meetup things and it intrigued Dan, considering that Phil's blog was so huge. He wanted to know who this precious, lion-loving cinnamon roll that he so helplessly developed feelings for, looked like so he could finally place a face in his hopeless fantasies of them running off into the sunset together. With that thought in mind, he sent a message to Phil;

**To: amazingphil**

_just wondering, why haven't you introduced me to that beautiful face of yours?_

**To: danisnotonfire**

_Selfies aren't really my thing. I can't stand the idea of people looking at my face and forming an impression of me from there, there's just more to a person than someone's appearance, you know? Besides, selfies just give me really bad anxiety and I doubt you'd want to deal with that horror that is my face anyway:-(_

Dan was not expecting such a reply, he thought he had hit a nerve and felt remorseful. Why did he have to let his curiosity get better of him, only to end up hurting the only person that could possibly be the reason that is keeping him alive and breathing. He was not going to lose his chance at happiness like this. Dan typed out a long message expressing his apology for prying too much into Phil's life and hoped for the best.

Much to his relief, Phil had graciously accepted his apology and they continued to talk. Contrary to how Dan had thought this was going to ruin their relationship, it made Phil open up to him much more. She talked about her insecurities and how troubled she really was. This only made Dan's feelings for Phil to grow even stronger, was he insane? Probably. But he knew for sure that he wanted to be there for Phil and protect her like she were his kryptonite.

* * *

 

It was another chilly thursday evening, Dan had propped up his computer and was trying to complete his research paper that was due tomorrow. He had just taken a sip of his earl grey tea when his phone screen lit up, signaling he had received a tumblr message notification. Dan smiled to himself, that must be Phil. He tapped on the notification that led him to open his tumblr app;

**To: danisnotonfire**

_You know it's been a while since we started talking, and I really do enjoy your daily updates of what cereal you've been eating. Do you think maybe we could meet up sometime and grab a bowl of cereal together or something?_

Dan's eyes widened and time seemed to come to a halt as he read the message. His head was spinning, unable to process that this was real life. Dan let out an involuntary shriek of joy and was relieved that there was no one here to hear that. Never in a billion years did he think amazingphil would even want to look at his blog, and now she was the one that asked for a meet up first? He took another sip of his tea and tried to calm down, taking deep breaths before proceeding to reply;

**To: amazingphil**

_cereal sounds good. when shall we go on this cereal conquest?_

Dan scoffed at how chill he sounded in the message, when in actual fact all he wanted to do is set himself on fire and scream into a pillow. Details of their meet up were discussed and they had decided to meet in Manchester next week. Dan was still on a high and could not quite believe that he was finally going to meet his personal sunshine, cinnamon roll and a frequent guest of his not so PG dreams. He had a good feeling about this, that maybe, just maybe, this day would turn out to be a life changing one for both him and Phil.

_**All he had to do was keep himself alive until next thursday.** _


	2. Raindrops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the support! Here's chapter 2 after a month of procrastinating, hope you like it!

Dan had kept himself busy by immersing himself in his school work, and this made Thursday approach pretty fast.

It was a sunny, cloudless morning and Dan had just rolled out of bed having woken up by his alarm clock. He groaned as he walked to the toilet. Dan splashed his face with some water as an attempt to wake himself up. He grabbed his towel and wiped his face when all of a sudden his eyes widened in realization. Today was the day. He felt his heart hammering against his chest as he stared up at himself in the mirror. Dan felt giddy with excitement yet nervous at the same time, the wave of emotion he felt was so strong that he had to steady himself by grabbing the sink. Dan took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he attempted to calm down.

Right, he needed to get ready for the day.

Dan hummed along to the tune of plug in baby as he got ready. It took him about an hour to pick out his outfit. After rummaging through his whole closet, Dan settled with a plaid shirt that he thought Phil might like and a pair of black jeans. He then proceeded to the bathroom, got out his hair straighteners, and spent a good fifteen minutes trying to get his hair right only to no avail. Dan huffed in exasperation and decided to settle with his usual fringe look that swept to the left side of his face. Dan took one last look in the mirror as he tried not to freak out. _You can do this._ He told himself. He grabbed his phone from nightstand and unlocked his phone. _11.43am_. Dan was going to be late! He frantically dashed around the room with the amount of speed his physically unfit body could let him, grabbed his things and ran out his apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Dan waited impatiently for the train to arrive. He tapped his foot and hummed absent-mindedly as heart out by The 1975 played in his headphones. After a ten minute wait which seemed like eternity to Dan, the train had arrived. He stepped in and the first thing he was greeted with was the smell. The stench of perspiration filled the air as he was greeted by a mass of sweaty bodies. _Oh, just wonderful._ Dan thought. He sighed as he squeezed in to what little amount of space was left in the carriage. This was going to be a long ride.

A while later, Dan heard the train announce that he had reached Manchester. He alighted and brisk walked to the gates, squeezing his Oyster card in his hand. Dan's heart palpitated as he approached those gates. His palms were clammy and he felt a lump in his throat. He could not believe that he was just seconds away from meeting Phil. _Twenty_ steps to the gate. _Ten_ steps. _**Five**_. _'Boop!'_ Dan tapped his card on the scanner. He looked around frantically trying to find Phil when all of a sudden he realised, he did not even know what Phil looked like. _Idiot._ He thought to himself. He ended up standing in the middle of the train station feeling like a lost child. Paranoia of how he might have been ditched by Phil heightened his fear. Dan constantly glanced at his phone, hoping Phil would respond to his texts soon. Alas, he received a text from Phil. _Turn around_. It said. Dan looked up from his phone and did as he was told. Stood there before him was a boy waving cheerfully at him. He was tall. Taller than Dan himself. He had black hair with a fringe that covered almost half of his face. His eyes were blue like that warm wool sweater that you put on when the air gets that chill- comfortable, warm, familiar and ohmygod, this boy had the palest skin ever. He stared at this boy in confusion and then he realised, **_Phil was no girl._**

Dan gulped. His head was spinning as he tried to comprehend what stood before him. All this time Dan had thought Phil was a girl. I mean which boy would describe Matt Bellamy as dreamy. To be frank, Dan was slightly disappointed. He had pinned all his hopes that Phil might finally be the one he could possibly have a relationship with that was not an absolute train wreck. But how could he do this if Phil was a boy? Unless he was gay? Gay. Dan shuddered at that thought. He can't possibly.

Dan shook his head vigorously to clear his thoughts. He looked at Phil, who now stared back at him with a look of confusion on his face. Shit. Dan muttered. He must have spaced out for too long. Dan cleared his throat, then, giving Phil a small smile, greeted him with a simple 'hey.'

Phil's face brightened instantly. His eyes crinkled up and his mouth turned into a cheeky lopsided grin. Dan noticed that his tongue would stick out just a little bit when he smiled. He thought that was kind of adorable.

'Shall we head off? I've got a place to show you that I think you might find pretty cool,' Phil suggested.

Dan mumbled a small 'yeah sure' and threw Phil a shy smile, clearly still unable to grasp the fact that Phil was a boy.

And with that, the duo leave the train station, with Dan trailing behind Phil as he lead him to the mystery place.

It was not a long journey to Phil's surprise destination, along the way the two made idle chit chat. It was awkward at first, and Dan mentally scolded himself for being so socially inept. But as they continued walking on the streets of Manchester on this chilly afternoon, Dan and Phil had managed to get over the awkward start and begun to enjoy each other's company. Phil throwing his head back laughing at every joke Dan made and Dan listening intently to one of Phil's crazy stories back from his childhood. Dan felt a sense of familiarity with this guy, something that he has not quite felt in a very long time, and he was so glad.

'So I would always just stand at the bedside in my parents room and stared at them until they woke up and... Oh look we're here!' Phil exclaimed.

Dan followed Phil's eyes to where he was looking and was greeted with a magnificent sight. _A ferris wheel._ Gorgeous lights donned the wheel as it spun ever so slowly. Dan noticed the small cabins. There were couples, families and friends inside those cabins who seemed to be having a great time. What caught Dan's attention was one particular cabin that held an elderly couple. They were holding hands and enjoying the view together, occasionally glancing at each other lovingly. Dan smiled.

He then turned back to Phil and asked, 'I didn't know Manchester had ferris wheels.'

'It's called the Manchester eye jesus Dan have you been living under a rock?' Phil teased.

Dan rolled his eyes. 'Well what are we waiting for then?'

'Well someone's eager isn't he,' Phil cheekily replied. Dan shook his head and tried to suppress a grin.

'Alright let's go!' Phil beckoned.

They both proceeded to the ticketing counter where Phil went to get the tickets for the Manchester eye as Dan's eyes wandered, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. Dan felt a light tap on his shoulder which snapped him out of his daze. He turned to Phil who was excitedly waving two tickets in his hand. Dan smiled and the two began to walk to the ferris wheel.

As they approached the entrance to the wheel, Dan's heart rate increased. He was tons excited, considering this would be his first time riding a proper ferris wheel, apart from those cheap ones at carnivals of course. Phil stepped into the cabin first, followed by Dan. The door closed behind them.

'More spacious than I had imagined,' Dan noted.

Phil gave a light chuckle, clearly amused at how Dan was trying to pick up the conversation.

'Hey at least I'm trying to make things interesting here,' Dan snapped.

'Woah no need to get so defensive, I just thought that was cute.' Phil admitted. Dan's eyes widened as he felt a small blush creep up on his cheeks.

As the wheel slowly rotated, Dan admired the view from the wheel while Phil excitedly pointed out to the different landmarks that they could spot in Manchester. They were having a great time, enjoying each other's company along with the magnificent view of the city of Manchester. Laughter filled the cabin and Dan could not remember a day he had felt this happy. He let out a contented sigh as a comfortable silence fell between the him and Phil.

'It's beautiful isn't it?' Dan mused. Phil turned towards Dan, his face holding an indescribable expression and smiled to himself.

' _Absolutely_ breathtaking.' Phil breathed.

Dan turned his attention from the view of Manchester to face Phil. Phil jumped in shock as he realized how creepy he must look staring at Dan and quickly averted his gaze away from Dan back to the scenery. Dan raised an eyebrow, confused by Phil's actions, before turning back to look out the window.

The Manchester eye took about forty five minutes before Dan and Phil's cabin came back down. The two of them stumbled out of the cabin as Dan bent over, clutching his stomach which hurt from laughing at Phil's joke. They were greeted by the ferris wheel operator who smiled politely at the sight of the two of them.

'Hope you had a great time up there what a lovely couple you two are!' The operator beamed.

The duo looked at each other, unsure of how to react. Just as Dan was about to open his mouth to correct the operator, Phil jumped in, 'thank you!' he said.

Dan looked at Phil puzzled, in which Phil returned with a reassuring nod before reaching out to take Dan's hand and began to walk away. 'Have a nice day!' Phil called out to the operator before stepping out of the building.

Once they got out of the building, Phil released Dan's hand. Dan stared at his hand, and then at Phil in disbelief.

'What the hell was that?' He demanded.

'Just wanted to save the trouble for a long explanation. Hey, remember how we said when we met we should go grab a bowl of cereal? I know the perfect place.'

Phil began to walk off, leaving a confused Dan Howell stood there wondering what had just happened.

'Well come on then!' Phil called. Dan snapped out of his confused state of mind and hurried to catch up with Phil.

Dan and Phil arrived at a corner shop. Phil opened the door which made a bell sound, signaling their arrival. Dan stared in awe at the shop. An assortment of all the world's cereal laid before his eyes. Fruit loops, Shreddies, granola and so much more. Dan could not believe that this place was able to hold this many types of cereal. To top that off, this shop was so cozy. There were small booths where people could sit in and the shop was decorated with daisy flowers and fairy lights.

'Wow, this is really impressive.' Dan complimented.

'I know right.' Phil replied.

They proceeded to the counter where they were greeted by the shopkeeper.

'Welcome to Surreal Cereals. What can I get the two of you?' The lady greeted politely.

Dan stared at the selection of cereals, there were just too many to choose from. His eyebrows knitted together as he struggled to make a decision. After almost three minutes of dilemma and awkward glances between him and the shopkeeper, Dan settled for a mix of frosted flakes, shreddies and lucky charms with normal milk and Phil went for their house special in almond milk. They both paid the cashier and took their cereal to a booth located at the corner of the shop. The two indulged in their cereal immediately. Dan took a big spoonful of lucky charms.

'How can they not have cereal shops in Wokingham? I'm missing out on way too much back there.' Dan complained.

Phil then proudly replied,'and this is why Manchester is the best state in UK.'

Dan rolled his eyes, which Phil just gave a hearty laugh in return. They both continued to enjoy their cereal while engaging in light conversation.

Later on into their meal, Dan noticed that Phil had some milk stains at the corner of his mouth which Phil was oblivious to. An involuntary laugh escaped Dan's mouth. Phil looked at Dan, puzzled.

'There's a milk stain on the corner of your mouth.' Dan stated whilst trying to suppress his laughter.

'What? Where?' Phil said, flustered.

He moved his hand to his mouth as he attempted to wipe the stain off him. Dan stared in amusement as he watched Phil trying but failing to get the milk stain off him.

After a while, Dan gave up and said, 'oh my god, here let me.'

He reached out his hand and gently brushed the corner of Phil's lips, getting rid of the milk stain. In the process, their eyes met. The two held each other's gaze and Dan could feel his heart rate increase. There was an odd feeling in his stomach which felt terrifyingly similar to something exploding within him. Dan liked that feeling. The tips of his fingers lingered on Phil's lips before drawing his hand away. The moment Dan's hand was withdrawn, the two of them looked away immediately. Dan felt a blush creep up his cheeks as his palms began to go clammy.

'Uhm... thanks?' Phil tried, his face turning a shade of light pink which did not go unnoticed by Dan.

'Sure, no problem.' Dan replied, feeling slightly awkward.

After a moment of silence, Phil quickly changed the topic and began to recount another incident from his interesting life in Manchester. Dan silently thanked Phil for saving themselves from an awkward encounter.

He listened intently to Phil's story while he looked out the window. It was gloomy outside, there was a light drizzle going on and raindrops lightly tapped on the window pane. In contrast to that however, Dan was in high spirits, he was not gloomy at all. And he thinks perhaps he did not need to feel gloomy anymore from this day onwards.

Time flew pass and the day had come to an end, Phil walked Dan to the train station and they both laughed at how neither of them a brought an umbrella. The duo walked down the cobbled streets of Manchester uncovered in the rain, which resulted in them receiving some weird glances from passer bys. But Dan and Phil did not care, they were having the best time together and that was all that mattered.

Before they knew it, they had arrived at the train station. This meant they had to part ways. Dan was hugely disappointed. He did not remember a time he had such a carefree and enjoyable day. He felt liberated, full of life, and for once in his damned teenage life, happy. And it was all coming to an end. Dan chewed on his lip to stop himself from crying. _Stop it, don't be such a wuss._ He told himself. _Phil would not appreciate that._ He looked up at Phil, whose eyes were slightly glassy. Phil gave Dan a weak smile.

'Well I guess this is it.' Phil said.

Dan gulped as he tried to suppress his emotions.

'Yeah,' Dan replied.

Dan looked down and whispered, 'you think we'll do this again?'

Phil looked down at Dan, a tear involuntarily slipped down his cheek. He hastily wiped away the tear and went to tilt Dan's chin up, stared straight into his eyes and said, 'we will. I _promise_.'

And his eyes told Dan that this was not a promise Phil intends to break. _Ever_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment on if i should continue this or just your opinions really i need to know thanks x

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've ever written. hope you guys enjoy it! please leave an opinion if you liked it or not so I know if I should continue this.
> 
> Thanks!


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